I know a lot of women that are envious of me at times. People have come up to me and say that many women get surgery to be that size and I usually hear about it when I talk to them about getting a reduction. When they ask me to give them some I jokingly say “You can have some I’ll gladly share.” but in reality I am totally serious.
When I was probably about 7 or so I wished, and I wished and I am pretty sure for that whole year I WISHED for breasts. I loved them, I couldn’t tell you why but I had to have them I didn’t want to be flat. Little did I know that I was going to get what I asked for… LITERALLY.
Fast forward to about seventh grade, they came they finally came and in full F*&^ing force. I remember being probably being about a size D by then. When I hit puberty things changed a lot for me.
We lived in San Diego and as many of you know this is a huge Naval city. My grandma Connie lived in Imperial Beach not far from the base. Being in a naval town means navy guys, and my grandma lived in an apartment complex that had plenty of them. I remember my aunt telling me:
“When you get out of the pool all the guys stare at you, then you start walking like a duck.”
This is the time that I really became aware of my body really developing. Little did I know that I was in for more.
Around this time I lived in a school district that was implementing the school uniform policy. (which is a joke by the way ill explain in another post later) When I developed the way I did it made 20 million (exaggerated) times harder to find cheap and fitting uniforms. I had to wear XL while most six and seventh graders are in training bras or smaller busts, so I had to wear boys shirts. This started and entire trend for me, I wore a jacket or sweater ALL The time. When I say all the time I mean Summer too. PE was a total nightmare not only had I developed and had to hold them for just about every activity. I wanted to run and be in sports and couldn’t they bounced to much.
As I got older I wanted to shop in the section that was my age, but I always ended up in the plus section of the store.
Can I just rant for a moment here? Plus size clothes always sucked…because they are made for big women not BUSTY women. Why on earth haven’t they made a line of clothes that are for busty women? I don’t need XXL in the waist I need XXL in the top. *End Rant*
So with having to shop in the plus section, I have always had this feeling of being overweight even at size 9. As I got older it seemed as though they kept growing, and growing. I got to the point where I was always falling out the bottom of my bras or I had the quadraboob. My bras got progressively smaller and less options for me.
Keep in mind that this eventually gives you a complex. I actually got depressed over clothes shopping. I wore lots of boyish clothes because that’s what fit. While all of my friends shopped at Forever 21, Victoria’s secret and all the cool discount stores, I couldn’t. I get a lot of crap from people about my style and its mainly because I haven’t been able to have one. What I want to wear and what I actually CAN wear are two different things entirely.
Once I hit the 20’s I resolved to being the “Fat friend” the one that the guys all try to ignore. I had looked into how much breast reduction costs and I just couldn’t afford it. I didn’t have insurance from my dad anymore and I was resolved to just deal with them. By this time my breast were sitting on my belly and to this day there are still indentations, and it actually pushed down my stomach….yeah weird.
Then I met my husband and we were expecting our first child. During this time I was so determined to breast feed that It was sickening. I was all for it and then I gave birth, and realized how much more of a problem I was in for. Because of the size of my breasts my son couldn’t latch on to the whole nipple. So after several tries they told me I would have to wait till his mouth got bigger, which meant pumping was something that needed to be done.
Fast forward to baby number two. This lactation consultant was amazing she suggested pumping for a bit to draw out the nipple then put him on the breast with a little plastic nipple cover. This time around was much better and I got to enjoy a little bit of being able to breast feed. My milk supply was still low but I had a hungry hippo that still eats a lot to this day.
By the time my kids came along I was now in the Double letters by baby one I was in the GG’s and HH’s by baby 2 I had reached JJ’s , and that is where I have been till now.
This is going to be a interesting journey I can feel it. I know this was a long post but I wanted to share the whole history of this. I know I am not alone in this and that there are many women that are going through this as well.